Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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