allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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