and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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