I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
whose ass print is on the piano?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You are the jesus of drinking
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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