He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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