Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
