im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The feeling are messing with the penis
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
