I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
