Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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