dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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