I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
