take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
