I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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