Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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