i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
