White coat. Heels.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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