there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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