here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
