how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
