oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
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It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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