A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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