are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
this hospital has no fireball
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
