this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
