Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
