it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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