Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
