dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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