just tell him i said nine months
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
