Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
