yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
