butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
