this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
