sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
