If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
