Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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