it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
