Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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