tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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