what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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