Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
