literally had 100 drinks last night.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
