Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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