tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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