this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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