so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
