I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
