Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
