i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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