Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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