Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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