Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
