Your mouth is God's brothel.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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