South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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