I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
