is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
