Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
