well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
