Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
