3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
