I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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