The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you win again, gameday.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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