you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
