bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
