when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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