I wanna bring you to show and tell
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
