last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
