I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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