I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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