I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
