I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
