Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
