I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
