Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
