yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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