Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
