I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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