Im at strip club and am horny
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
