the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
