TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
