Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
