i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
