im about as happy as oj after his trial
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
