your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
