haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
