Where is the hickey?
...so i touched it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
