is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
