What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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