I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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