can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
